Sometimes Remaining Means Resting

There are moments in life when something you have carried for so long finally reaches the point where you can release it into the world. Not because it is perfect. Not because the process was easy. But because you know it is time.

That is where I found myself with my Catholic young adult novel, Light Still Stands.

After countless edits, rewrites, formatting changes, cover revisions, moments of excitement, and moments where I honestly wondered if I would ever reach the finish line, I finally released the book. Seeing it live felt surreal. Years of work, prayer, frustration, and persistence had finally become real.

And then I had to pull it back down.

At first, that felt devastating.

There is something emotionally exhausting about thinking you have finally crossed the finish line only to realize there is still more work ahead. More edits. More corrections. More details that need attention. Pulling the book down felt, in some ways, like taking a step backward after fighting so hard to move forward.

At the same time, I knew deep down it was the right decision.

I cared too much about the story, the message, and the readers to rush past things that still needed refinement. What people often do not see about publishing is how much vulnerability exists behind the scenes. By the time a writer releases a book, they are usually already emotionally exhausted from carrying it for so long. So when unexpected issues arise after publication, it can feel crushing.

What made this season even harder was that all of it unfolded while I was recovering from a complicated surgery and on medical leave.

From the outside, I know some people looked at everything I was doing and thought I was keeping myself too busy. Between relaunching the novel, revising files, creating a companion workbook, and continuing to write, I understand why it may have appeared that way.

But what people did not always see were the pauses.

The long stretches of rest between the work.

The days where progress looked like answering a few emails or making a couple edits before needing to lie down again. The afternoons where I would open my laptop with every intention of working longer, only to realize my body had already decided for me that it was time to stop. The moments where healing interrupted my plans whether I wanted it to or not.

To others, the process may have looked fast. To me, it did not feel fast at all.

Everything took longer because I was listening to my body in ways I never really had before. I was learning that healing cannot be rushed simply because your mind wants to move faster. Recovery forced me to measure progress differently. Some days success was not finishing workbook pages or completing manuscript edits. Some days success was simply resting before I completely exhausted myself.

At the same time, this project became part of my healing process. Not in a way that ignored the need for rest, but in a way that gave purpose and creativity a place within recovery. Writing again reminded me that I was still myself beyond the surgery, the pain, the appointments, and the limitations. Working on Light Still Stands and the companion study workbook gave me something life-giving to pour myself into during a season that could have easily become consumed entirely by frustration and physical recovery.

There were moments where writing felt therapeutic. Moments where revisiting themes of endurance, uncertainty, suffering, discernment, and faith unexpectedly mirrored my own experience. I realized I was not just editing a story about remaining faithful through difficulty. I was living it. That does not mean the process was easy.

There were still days where I felt frustrated with how slowly recovery moved. Days where I wanted my body to cooperate with my plans. Days where exhaustion won. Days where I questioned whether I had the energy to keep going.

But slowly, I began to understand something important: healing is not only physical. Sometimes healing also comes through creating, through purpose, through storytelling, through prayer, and through rediscovering pieces of yourself after something difficult changes you.

Somewhere in the middle of the frustration, exhaustion, healing, and uncertainty, something unexpected happened.

A parish reached out asking to use Light Still Stands as a parish book study.

Suddenly, while I was still editing and preparing to relaunch the novel, I also found myself creating an entire six-week companion study workbook to accompany it. Scripture reflections. Discussion questions. Catechism references. Weekly prayers. Themes about suffering, discernment, endurance, relationships, and faith under pressure.

It was both beautiful and overwhelming.

I spent hours fixing details most readers will probably never notice. Fonts. Margins. Spacing. Formatting glitches. Cover adjustments. Upload errors. Revisions. Re-exports. The kind of behind-the-scenes work that nobody really talks about when they picture “becoming an author.”

And yet, through all of it, I kept realizing something important: this process was teaching me the very lesson at the center of the novel itself.

Remaining.

Remaining when things feel uncertain, when faith feels costly, when the easier option would be to walk away, and when the outcome is unclear. And sometimes, remaining means resting too.

I also learned that frustration and joy can exist together. I think sometimes we assume that once something good finally happens, the struggle disappears. But often the joy arrives carrying exhaustion beside it. The accomplishment comes with weariness. The answered prayer still requires perseverance.

Maybe that is part of growth too.

This experience taught me that creative work is rarely linear. There are setbacks. Revisions. Delays. Unexpected turns. Moments where you wonder if all the work is worth it. But I also learned that sometimes stepping back is not failure. Sometimes it is stewardship. Sometimes taking the extra time is an act of care.

Most of all, I learned that God often works quietly through persistence. Not always through dramatic breakthroughs. Not always through instant success. But through continuing to show up.

Continuing to revise.
Continuing to heal.
Continuing to trust.
Continuing to remain.

Now, I am incredibly grateful to say that Light Still Stands has officially been relaunched on Amazon, and the companion study workbook is now available through my website. What began as a story written quietly over time has become something larger than I expected: a resource not only for readers, but for prayer, discussion, reflection, and community.

This process stretched me far more than I expected. But maybe that is what meaningful work does. It changes the work itself, and it changes the person creating it.

Through every setback, revision, delay, moment of rest, and relaunch, one truth kept returning to me: The light still stands.