Learning Where to Spend My Heart: A Friend Who Stays

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about friendship. About the people who come into our lives, the people who stay, the people who slowly drift away, and the people we eventually realize may not have been the friends we thought they were.

There are people I could be angry with. There are friendships I could look back on and list all the ways I showed up, all the times I reached out, and all the ways I cared, and then compare those things to what I received in return. But I don’t want to live that way. I’m not angry. If anything, I think I’m finally learning.

I’m learning that one of the gifts of getting older is becoming more intentional about where I spend my energy and, maybe even more importantly, where I spend my heart. For a long time, I think I believed that if I cared enough, tried hard enough, checked in often enough, or continued to show up, I could somehow keep every relationship intact. When someone became distant, my instinct was often to wonder what I could do differently. Should I reach out? Should I try again? Did I do something wrong? Do they still care?

There comes a point when those questions become exhausting. Not because the people involved are necessarily bad people and not because every friendship that changes needs a villain. Sometimes people simply change. Lives move in different directions. Priorities shift. Seasons end. Sometimes we also have to admit that a relationship meant more to us than it did to the other person. There is sadness in realizing that, but there can also be freedom.

Somewhere along the way, I began paying attention to the people who didn’t make me wonder. They are the people who send a text out of nowhere saying, “I was thinking about you.” They are the people who call just because. They remember something I mentioned weeks ago and ask me about it. They don’t need anything from me. They aren’t reaching out because they need a favor, an answer, a connection, or something I can provide. They simply thought of me and wanted me to know.

There is something incredibly beautiful about being remembered.

Those small moments have taught me more about friendship than some of the bigger gestures ever have. They have also taught me that genuine friendship doesn’t require chasing. That doesn’t mean friendship doesn’t require effort. Of course it does. Loving another person requires intentionality, sacrifice, patience, forgiveness, and sometimes choosing to show up when it isn’t convenient. But there is a difference between investing in a friendship and carrying one.

I’m learning that difference. I’m learning that I can care deeply about someone and still recognize when it is time to stop chasing the relationship. I can be grateful for what someone once meant to me without being angry that things have changed. I can wish someone well from a distance. I can let go without resentment. I can choose to spend more of my energy loving the people who are actually present.

As I have reflected on all of this, though, I keep coming back to something deeper. For all the lessons human friendship has taught me, there is one friendship in my life that is unlike every other. It is my friendship with the Lord. Maybe I appreciate that friendship more deeply now precisely because I have experienced the imperfections of human relationships.

People disappoint us. Not always intentionally. Sometimes they don’t know what we need. Sometimes they’re carrying things we know nothing about. Sometimes they forget. Sometimes they misunderstand us. Sometimes they simply don’t have the capacity to show up in the way we hoped they would. I know I have disappointed people, too. I’m human, and so are they.

But Jesus is different.

When I look back over my life, through every season and every version of myself, He has been there. There were times when I recognized Him immediately and there were times when I didn’t. There were moments when His presence felt almost tangible and others when I wondered why He seemed so quiet. Yet when I look back now, I can see Him.

He was there in the joy and in the heartbreak. He was there when people surrounded me and when I felt completely alone. He was there when I had beautiful words to pray and when all I could offer Him was silence. He has heard the prayers I have prayed a hundred times. He has listened to the questions I still don’t have answers to. He has received my gratitude, my frustration, my tears, my laughter, my confusion, my hope, and everything in between.

And He has stayed.

There is something about that word that means more to me these days. Jesus has stayed. He knows every part of me, including the parts I readily share with others and the parts I would rather keep hidden, and He stays. I don’t have to earn His attention. I don’t have to wonder whether I am bothering Him. I don’t have to make myself useful so that He will want me around. I don’t have to perform for Him. I can simply come.

Maybe that is why Jesus’ words in the Gospel of John have become so beautiful to me: “I have called you friends.” (John 15:15)

Friends.

The God of the universe doesn’t merely allow me to approach Him. He desires a relationship with me. He wants my heart. The more I understand that, the more I realize how often I have expected human relationships to give me something that only God can completely provide. I have wanted people to make me feel known, but Jesus already knows me. I have wanted people to make me feel remembered, but Jesus has never forgotten me. I have wanted people to reassure me that I matter, but Jesus settled that question on the Cross. I have wanted people to stay, but Jesus already promised that He would.

That doesn’t make human friendship less important. If anything, I think it makes it more beautiful. When I stop asking another person to fill a place in my heart that belongs to God, I become freer to simply receive that person as the gift they are. I can appreciate the friend who sends the unexpected text without needing them to always say exactly the right thing. I can treasure the person who calls to check in without expecting them to always know when I need them. I can forgive people when they disappoint me because I know I have disappointed others, too. I can recognize when a friendship has changed without allowing that change to determine what I believe about myself.

Maybe that’s what I’m learning in this season. Not everyone who enters my life is meant to stay forever. Not every relationship deserves the same amount of my time and energy. Not every friendship needs to be rescued, and not every goodbye needs to become a source of anger.

Sometimes we simply learn. We learn who checks in, who remembers, who celebrates with us, and who sits with us when there is nothing they can fix. We learn who wants our presence rather than simply what we can offer them. Hopefully, those experiences also make us ask ourselves an important question: Am I that kind of friend to others?

This reflection isn’t only about noticing who has or hasn’t shown up for me. It’s also about becoming more aware of how I show up for the people God has entrusted to me. Do I send the text when someone crosses my mind? Do I make the call? Do I remember? Do I listen without immediately trying to fix things? Do I celebrate someone else’s joy without comparing it to my own life? Do I make people feel like they matter apart from what they can do for me?

Maybe those quiet nudges to reach out to someone are sometimes God’s way of allowing us to become His presence to another person. Maybe some of the unexpected texts and phone calls I have received were His way of reminding me through someone else, “I see you. I haven’t forgotten you.”

I don’t know, but I do know that I want to pay closer attention. I want to spend less energy chasing people and more energy loving people. I want to hold relationships with open hands instead of clenched fists. I want to be grateful for those who walk beside me without demanding that they promise to walk beside me forever. When someone doesn’t stay, I want to be able to let them go without allowing disappointment to harden my heart.

Ultimately, no human being can promise me forever. But Jesus can.

So, no, I’m not angry at the people who turned out not to be the friends I thought they were. There may still be sadness. There may still be disappointment. But there is also gratitude for what those experiences have taught me. They have taught me to be more intentional about where I expend my energy. They have taught me to notice the people who quietly and consistently show up. They have taught me not to chase affection or friendship. They have taught me to ask whether I am giving others the kind of friendship I hope to receive.

Perhaps most importantly, they have reminded me where my heart ultimately belongs. Human friendships will change. People will come and go. Some will surprise me with how faithfully they stay, and others will surprise me when they don’t. Underneath all of those relationships, though, is the friendship that has carried me through every season of my life.

Jesus is the One who has seen every version of me and loved me through all of them. He is the One who knows the entire story and still calls me friend. He is the One who doesn’t just send a reminder that He is thinking about me, but continually finds ways to remind me that I have never left His thoughts. He is the One who remains, no matter how many other relationships change.

Maybe learning where to spend my heart begins there, with the Friend who has had it all along.

Following Where God Leads: Living the Transformation

There are moments in life when you pause, look back, and realize that the road beneath your feet is one you never could have mapped out yourself. Lately, I've found myself doing exactly that.

Recently, I learned that the Butterfly Girl Podcast is currently ranked as the #1 podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts when people search the keywords "faith and hope," according to PodSEO. When I saw it, I smiled not because of the ranking itself, but because it felt like another quiet reminder that God continues to bless what He calls us to do.

When I first began writing books and recording podcasts, I wasn't thinking about rankings, interviews, or recognition. My prayer was simple: "Lord, if You can use my story to help even one person know You more deeply, then it's all worth it." He has answered that prayer in ways I never could have imagined.

But perhaps the greatest miracle isn't the doors that are opening around me. It's what God has been doing within me.

For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I am the most peaceful and joy-filled I have ever been. That doesn't mean life has suddenly become easy or that there haven't been disappointments, grief, unanswered prayers, or difficult seasons. In fact, some of the hardest chapters of my life have unfolded within the past year. The difference is that my peace is no longer dependent on my circumstances. My joy isn't rooted in success, recognition, or whether things unfold according to my plans. It is rooted in Christ.

There was a time when fear, insecurity, and the wounds of my past shaped so much of my life. Childhood sexual abuse, parental abandonment, and years spent believing I had to prove my worth left scars that only God could truly heal. That healing didn't happen overnight. It came through years of counseling, prayer, spiritual direction, trusted friendships, and slowly learning to believe what God had been saying about me all along—that I was His beloved daughter.

That journey is exactly why I chose the theme for Season 4 of the Butterfly Girl Podcast: Living the Transformation: From Wound to Wholeness. Those words aren't simply the title of a podcast season. They are the story God has been writing in my own life. Transformation isn't pretending the wounds never happened. It is allowing Christ to redeem them. Wholeness doesn't mean our scars disappear. It means they no longer define who we are because Christ has rewritten our identity.

Every episode this season explores what it looks like to move from surviving to living, from hiding to healing, from striving to trusting, and from carrying wounds in isolation to discovering the freedom that comes from allowing God to transform them. As I record these conversations and reflect on the stories of my guests, I realize something beautiful: God isn't simply asking us to talk about transformation. He wants us to live it. Looking at everything unfolding in my own life right now, I can't help but see that this season is a reflection of that very message.

One of the greatest gifts of healing has been learning to trust God's timing instead of trying to control the outcome. I find myself no longer chasing opportunities or worrying about whether the next door will open. Instead, I'm simply trying to remain faithful to the One who keeps opening doors I wasn't even knocking on.

One recent example has been my children's coloring, activity, story, and prayer book, The Life of Blessed Fulton J. Sheen. Through an unexpected opportunity, the manuscript was sent to Ignatius Press for consideration as a possible publishing partnership. Just having one of the most respected Catholic publishers review my work was an incredible honor. While they shared that they genuinely loved the book, they didn't feel they could produce it in time for Archbishop Sheen's anticipated beatification this September. Years ago, I probably would have viewed that as a disappointment or even a closed door. Today, I see it differently. I see a God who is still writing the story.

Almost immediately afterward, another friend who has a relationship with Sophia Institute Press offered to send the manuscript to them for consideration. So now I wait, and I pray. If it is God's will, I trust that He will make the path clear. If it isn't, I will continue doing exactly what He has already placed before me—writing, speaking, podcasting, and sharing the hope He has given me. That peace is a gift. Not because I know how everything will turn out, but because I know the One who does.

This season has also been filled with opportunities I never expected. I've had the privilege of being interviewed on numerous podcasts, featured in newspapers, and next week I'll be appearing on a television talk show based in Bismarck, North Dakota. Every invitation has felt like another unexpected door opening before me. These aren't opportunities I've spent years trying to create. They are reminders that God is capable of doing far more than I could ever plan for myself. When I surrendered my own agenda and simply began saying "yes" to Him one faithful step at a time, He started opening doors I didn't even know existed.

I don't share these things to bring attention to myself. I share them because every opportunity points to God's faithfulness, not my accomplishments. Left to myself, I never would have chosen the experiences that shaped my life. But God has taken the broken pieces of my story—childhood sexual abuse, parental abandonment, years of healing, seasons of grief, and moments when I questioned whether anything good could come from my pain—and He continues to transform them into opportunities to offer hope to others.

If anything good comes from my books, my podcast, my speaking, or these interviews, it belongs entirely to Him. I believe He is using my story, my gifts, and my willingness to simply say "yes" to help people encounter Christ. More than anything else, I want people to know that they are loved, that they are seen, that they are heard, and that they are never alone. If someone finishes one of my books, listens to an episode of the Butterfly Girl Podcast, or hears me share my testimony and comes away believing those truths just a little more deeply, then everything has been worth it.

The Butterfly Girl Podcast being ranked #1 for "faith and hope" is exciting, and I am deeply grateful. But rankings will come and go. Publishing opportunities may or may not happen. Television interviews will end. Recognition fades.

What lasts is the work God is doing in hearts. That is the true measure of success.

As I continue this journey, my prayer remains the same as it was when I first began: "Lord, keep opening the doors You want me to walk through. Give me the courage to follow wherever You lead. Let me never seek recognition more than faithfulness. May every word I write, every conversation I have, every child I reach, and every story I share bring glory to You."

Because this has never been about building my name. It has always been about pointing people to His.

And if my own life is any evidence, then I can say this with complete confidence: Jesus still transforms wounds into wholeness. He still heals. He still restores. He still opens doors no one else can open. And when we follow where He leads, we discover that the greatest miracle isn't what He does through us; it's who He transforms us to become.

St. Kateri Tekakwitha: The Saint Who Quietly Walks Beside Me

Every year on July 14, my heart holds two memories at once. It is the feast day of St. Kateri Tekakwitha, and it is also my Grandpa's birthday. Today, he would have turned 91 years old. For as long as I can remember, those two celebrations have been connected in my mind. I cannot think of St. Kateri without thinking of my grandpa, and I cannot remember his birthday without remembering the gentle, courageous saint whose feast the Church celebrates on the same day.

My connection to St. Kateri goes much deeper than sharing a date on the calendar. When I entered religious life, I chose St. Kateri as my patron saint. It was not a decision I made lightly. I wanted a patron saint whose life reflected the kind of woman I hoped to become. The more I learned about St. Kateri, the more I found myself drawn to her quiet strength, deep faith, and unwavering trust in God.

St. Kateri knew suffering from the very beginning of her life. As a young child, she lost her parents and younger brother to smallpox. The disease left her with scars on her face and weakened eyesight, visible reminders of pain she never chose. Although my own scars are mostly invisible, I understand what it means to carry wounds from childhood that shape the way you see yourself and the world. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I know how long healing can take and how deeply those experiences can affect a person's life. Yet one of the greatest lessons St. Kateri teaches me is that we are not defined by our wounds. Suffering may become part of our story, but it does not have the final word.

Despite rejection from members of her own community because of her Christian faith, St. Kateri remained faithful. She loved Christ with remarkable simplicity and perseverance. She did not seek recognition or admiration. She simply desired to belong completely to Him. There have been seasons in my own life when following Christ has felt lonely. There have been moments when I questioned where I belonged and times when healing required walking a path that few people could fully understand. St. Kateri reminds me that faithfulness is often quiet. Holiness is not always found in extraordinary moments. More often, it is found in choosing to say yes to God over and over again, even when the road is difficult.

Another reason I feel such a connection to St. Kateri is her love of silence and prayer. In a world filled with constant noise and distractions, she sought places where she could simply be with God. She understood that healing often happens in the quiet. I have found the same to be true in my own life. Some of the most meaningful moments of healing have not come through dramatic experiences, but through time spent in Eucharistic adoration, sitting with Scripture, journaling, or simply allowing myself to rest in God's presence. Those quiet moments have often been where God has gently reminded me who I am and how deeply I am loved.

I have also always loved how St. Kateri found God in creation. Whether I am watching a butterfly emerge, photographing a beautiful sunset, walking through nature, or simply looking up at the vast North Dakota sky, I often feel closest to God outdoors. Creation has a way of reminding me that God is always at work, bringing beauty from places where we least expect it. St. Kateri saw the beauty of God's presence in the natural world, and that perspective continues to inspire me to slow down, pay attention, and receive each day as a gift.

Perhaps what speaks to me most about St. Kateri is that she never allowed suffering to make her bitter. Instead, she allowed it to draw her closer to Christ. That does not mean her life was easy. It certainly was not. But she entrusted herself to God, believing that His love was greater than every hardship, every rejection, and every loss. That is the kind of faith I continue to pray for. I do not ask for a life without suffering. I ask for the grace to let suffering become a place where God continues His work of healing and transformation.

As I remember my grandpa today on what would have been his 91st birthday, I find comfort in remembering St. Kateri as well. My grandpa reminds me of the love and stability I experienced growing up. St. Kateri reminds me of the God who has walked beside me through every joy, every sorrow, every wound, and every step of healing. Together, they remind me that love endures, faith is worth pursuing, and God is always present.

St. Kateri Tekakwitha is important to me not simply because her feast day falls on my grandpa's birthday or because she was my patron saint in religious life. She is important because her life continually reminds me that our wounds do not define us, healing is possible, faithfulness matters, and God never stops calling us closer to Himself.

St. Kateri Tekakwitha, pray for us.

God's Gentle Reminders Come in Unexpected Ways

Every once in a while, there is a week that feels like God is quietly reminding you that He sees you. Not through dramatic miracles or extraordinary circumstances, but through ordinary moments that become extraordinary because of the love behind them. This has been one of those weeks for me.

Earlier this week, I met a friend for lunch, and somewhere in the middle of our conversation she began sharing what Light Still Stands has meant to her. She told me she has cried several times while reading it because she sees herself in the characters and connects so deeply with their journeys. Then she shared something that touched me even more. She isn't rushing to finish the book. Instead, she's intentionally reading it slowly, savoring each chapter and taking time to reflect before moving on to the next.

As an author, I don't know that there is a greater compliment than that. Of course, I hoped people would enjoy Light Still Stands, but my deepest prayer was never simply that readers would finish the story. I prayed they would pause, wrestle with the questions the characters wrestle with, recognize pieces of their own lives within its pages, and discover that even in life's hardest seasons, God is still present and still writing a story of hope. Hearing my friend describe her experience reminded me that books are sometimes more than stories. They can become companions for the journey, inviting readers to reflect not only on fictional characters but also on the ways God has been at work in their own lives. As she spoke, I silently thanked God, not because someone complimented my writing, but because He allowed a story He placed on my heart to become part of someone else's.

Then today, another unexpected gift arrived. Out of nowhere, my aunt sent me a simple text message that read, "I just want to tell you how proud I am of you and how much I love you." There wasn't a birthday or a milestone that prompted it. She simply wanted me to know. I found myself reading those words more than once because it's amazing how a sentence that takes only a few seconds to type can remain in your heart for the rest of the day.

There was one more unexpected blessing this week. Yesterday, I texted a dear friend because I had an extra ticket to a concert this weekend. She lives out of state, so I sent the invitation hoping she might be able to come, but honestly, I didn't expect it to work out since it was last minute. It felt like one of those invitations you extend because it would be wonderful if it happened, while quietly assuming life would make it impossible.

Instead, she talked with her husband, booked a flight, and decided to come.

The more I've thought about it, the more I believe this weekend is about much more than a concert. I think it may be exactly what the two of us need. Life has a way of filling our calendars while quietly emptying our hearts. We spend so much time caring for others, meeting responsibilities, and answering the next demand that we sometimes forget how deeply we need authentic friendship. We need people who know us well enough that we don't have to explain ourselves, people who can make us laugh, sit comfortably in silence, and remind us that we don't have to carry life's burdens alone. I have a feeling this weekend will be one of those gifts that refreshes both of our souls.

As I've reflected on these three moments, I've realized they all carry the same message. My friend's words reminded me that God can use our gifts in ways we never fully see. My aunt's text reminded me that I am loved, not because of what I accomplish, but simply because I belong to a family that cares deeply for me. My friend's decision to board a plane reminded me that relationships are worth making time for and that sometimes God provides exactly what we need before we even realize we need it.

When I look at these moments individually, they seem small. A lunch conversation. A text message. A last-minute plane ticket. Yet together they feel like God's gentle whispers saying, "I see you. Keep going. You are loved. You don't have to do this alone."

How often do we pray for God to speak while expecting something dramatic, when all along He is speaking through the people He has placed in our lives? His encouragement often comes through a friend's honesty, a relative's kindness, or someone's willingness to show up. We just have to slow down long enough to recognize those moments for what they are.

This week reminded me that encouragement is never wasted. A heartfelt conversation, an unexpected text, or a simple invitation can become part of God's answer to someone's prayer. We rarely know what another person is carrying or how desperately they need to hear that they matter. So tell someone you're proud of them. Tell them you love them. Encourage them in the work God has been doing through their lives. Invite them to spend time together. Those small acts of kindness may seem ordinary to us, but in God's hands they often become extraordinary reminders that we are deeply seen, fully known, and abundantly loved.

I Saw Jesus Today

There are some Sundays when the homily is what stays with me. Other Sundays, it's a particular line from Scripture or a hymn that continues to echo in my heart throughout the day. But today, it was a man.

As Mass began this morning, a man wearing a long white robe quietly entered the church carrying his shoes in his hands. I immediately noticed that he had no toes. He slowly walked to the very front of the church, sat down on the floor, and began to pray. There was something about the way he carried himself that drew my attention. His movements were slow and deliberate, and his posture reflected humility. Even before Mass officially began, he seemed completely focused on being in the presence of God.

During the opening prayer, Deacon Paul noticed him sitting on the floor. Without interrupting the reverence of the moment, he quietly walked over, warmly welcomed him, and gently showed him where he could sit in one of the pews. It wasn't done to correct him or make him feel uncomfortable. It was simply an act of kindness and hospitality. It struck me how naturally our deacon made room for him, ensuring he knew he belonged.

At first, I wondered if he was Catholic. Perhaps he had wandered in looking for a place to pray. But during the Liturgy of the Word, he turned to the woman sitting behind him and quietly asked for help finding the readings. Without a second thought, she leaned forward, opened the missal, and helped him find the correct page. There was no hesitation, no awkwardness, and no judgment. Just one person helping another encounter God's Word.

From that moment on, I found it difficult to concentrate on anything else happening around me. I wasn't distracted because he looked different. I was captivated by the sincerity of his faith. Throughout the Mass, I found myself watching him. During the homily, he once again lowered himself to the floor and listened with complete attention. There was nothing casual or routine about the way he participated. Every gesture seemed intentional. Every movement reflected someone who knew he was standing on holy ground.

Then came the Sign of Peace. At first, he wasn't quite sure what everyone was doing. He looked around as people began extending their hands to one another. As he watched those around him, he slowly smiled. People reached out to him, shook his hand, and welcomed him into the celebration. There was a joy on his face that is difficult to describe. It was as though, in that moment, he realized he wasn't simply attending Mass. He belonged there.

Then came Holy Communion. As the congregation began processing forward to receive Jesus in the Eucharist, he remained standing where he was. He waited patiently while nearly everyone else approached the altar. He wasn't in a hurry. He wasn't concerned about being first. He simply waited. When it was finally his turn, something extraordinary happened. He slowly walked forward, knelt, bent down and kissed the floor before receiving Holy Communion on the tongue. At that moment, tears began streaming down my face. I couldn't stop crying.

His love for Jesus was unmistakable. There was no performance. There was no attempt to draw attention to himself. There was simply a man approaching the Eucharistic Lord with profound humility, love, and reverence. Looking at him, I had no doubt that he believed what the Catholic Church teaches: that what appeared to be ordinary bread was truly the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ. I found myself wondering whether my own love for the Eucharist was visible in the same way. Do I approach Jesus with that kind of awe? Do I truly recognize the incredible gift I receive every time I walk forward to receive Him? Without saying a word, this man had become the homily I needed to hear.

After Mass had ended, I watched several parishioners walk over to him. They introduced themselves, welcomed him to our parish, invited him to return, and even embraced him with hugs. No one seemed concerned about how he looked, how he was dressed, or that he had entered carrying his shoes. They simply saw a brother in Christ.

As I reflected on everything I had witnessed, today's Gospel from Matthew 11:25-30 came rushing back to me: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."

Those words suddenly felt less like something I had heard proclaimed and more like something I had watched unfold before my eyes. It felt as though Jesus Himself had walked into our parish in the person of this humble man. Not because the man was Jesus, but because he reflected Christ so beautifully. His humility, his poverty of spirit, his reverence, and his complete dependence on God reminded me that Jesus is often found in the people the world overlooks.

I also witnessed something equally beautiful. I witnessed the Body of Christ truly being the Body of Christ. I saw a deacon quietly make room for someone who might have felt out of place. I saw a woman gladly help a stranger find the readings. I saw parishioners extend peace, offer hugs, and make someone feel welcome. No one asked where he came from. No one questioned whether he belonged. They simply loved him. Isn't that exactly what Jesus would do?

I left Mass humbled, filled with joy, and deeply grateful. I was grateful for a parish that welcomes all people. I was grateful for a community that sees dignity before differences. I was grateful for a man whose witness reminded me that authentic faith is often expressed far more through actions than words. Most of all, I left grateful that Jesus still finds ways to teach us, surprise us, and transform us when we least expect it.

I have been to Mass thousands of times, but I have never experienced anything quite like this.

Today, I saw Jesus. Not because He appeared in a miraculous vision, but because He reminded me that every person is made in His image and likeness. Through one man's humble faith, Jesus challenged my own heart. He invited me to look beyond appearances, to welcome without conditions, to love more generously, and to approach the Eucharist with deeper reverence than ever before.

As I continue to pray about this experience, one question keeps echoing in my heart: What was Jesus trying to teach me today? Perhaps the answer is that Christ is still walking into our churches every day, often in the people we least expect. The question is not whether He is there. The question is whether I have the eyes to recognize Him.

250 Years of America. 105 Years of One Extraordinary Life.

This year, America celebrates its 250th birthday. For two and a half centuries, our nation has experienced moments of incredible triumph alongside seasons of hardship. We have seen wars and peace, innovation and uncertainty, division and unity. As we commemorate this historic milestone, I find myself thinking not only about the history of our country but also about the history sitting around my family's table.

This December, my great-grandmother will celebrate her 106th birthday. While America marks 250 years of history, I have the incredible blessing of knowing someone who has lived through nearly half of it. Even more remarkable, our family currently has six living generations. This is a gift I never take for granted. Every family gathering reminds me that history is not just found in books or museums. Sometimes it is found in the stories shared around a dinner table.

A couple of years ago, I had the privilege of interviewing my great-grandmother for a college communications class. What began as an assignment quickly became one of the most meaningful conversations I have ever had. Listening to her reflect on more than a century of life gave me a greater appreciation for both her resilience and the values that have shaped our family.

Born on December 27, 1920, she entered a world that looked nothing like the one we know today. She has lived through the Great Depression, World War II, the Civil Rights Movement, the Space Age, the arrival of personal computers, the internet, smartphones, and now artificial intelligence. She has watched the world transform in ways that most of us can scarcely imagine. Yet what amazes me most is not simply what she has witnessed but how she has embraced those changes. At 105 years old, she uses a cell phone, keeps up with family on social media, and continues to learn new things. During our interview, she laughed and admitted she was "electronically challenged" while trying to connect technology, but she has never let her age keep her from staying connected to the people she loves.

As we talked, it became clear that while the world around her has changed dramatically, the values that have guided her life have remained constant. Faith has always been at the center of who she is. She shared how she was taken to Sunday school as a young girl and continued attending church throughout her life as she raised her own family. Her commitment to faith was never something she simply talked about. It was something she lived.

She also spoke about her lifelong love of learning. Although attending college was not emphasized when she was growing up, curiosity was always encouraged. She spent countless hours at the local library reading, especially books about history. Then, at the age of sixty, she decided to return to school and earned her associate's degree. When she told me about it, I realized that learning had never been a season of life for her. It had become a way of life.

As someone who has spent my career in education and has returned to college several times myself, I now recognize how much of that love for learning has been passed from one generation to the next. During our conversation, she also shared how her parents encouraged their children to stay informed, vote, and treat every person with kindness and respect. Growing up in a small rural community, she had little opportunity to meet people from different backgrounds, yet her parents taught her to be respectful and inclusive of everyone. Those values became part of the legacy she passed on to her children, grandchildren, and generations that followed.

Toward the end of our interview, I asked what brought her the greatest joy. Her answer was immediate. She spoke proudly of her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren. She smiled as she talked about our family's monthly book club, where multiple generations gather to read, discuss books, and simply enjoy being together. Then she said something I have never forgotten: "All my life has been learning, and I'm still learning."

Those words have stayed with me because they perfectly capture the kind of life she has lived.

As America celebrates 250 years, I think about the countless individuals whose names may never appear in history books but whose lives have quietly shaped families, communities, and future generations. My great-grandmother is one of those people. Her legacy is not measured by fame or recognition but by faith faithfully lived, a deep love of learning, unwavering perseverance, and the values she has passed to six generations of our family.

History is often told through presidents, wars, and landmark events. But perhaps the most meaningful history is found in ordinary people who lived extraordinary lives of quiet faithfulness.

This Independence Day, I am grateful for the history of our nation. I am equally grateful for the history within my own family. What a privilege it is to know someone who has lived for more than a century, to witness six generations gathered together, and to be reminded that the greatest legacies are not built in a single moment but one faithful day at a time.

Interview with my Great-Grandma.

Butterfly Girl Season 4: God is Present in the Becoming

Next Sunday, July 5, Season 4 of the Butterfly Girl Podcast begins.

As I have spent the past several months praying, writing, recording, and preparing for this season, I have found myself reflecting on just how much can change in a relatively short period of time.

This past year has been one of tremendous growth in my own life. It has also been a year marked by grief, transition, new beginnings, uncertainty, healing, and countless reminders that God is still at work, even when life feels unfinished.

Perhaps that is why the theme for this new season emerged so naturally. Living the Transformation: From Wound to Wholeness.

For much of my life, I viewed healing as a destination. I believed that if I worked hard enough, prayed hard enough, attended enough therapy sessions, or simply waited long enough, eventually I would arrive at a place where the wounds no longer hurt, the questions disappeared, and everything finally made sense.
I imagined healing as an ending.

What I have discovered instead is that healing is often a way of living. There is no finish line where we suddenly become perfectly whole. There is no moment when grief permanently disappears, fear never returns, or we stop needing God.

Instead, there is a lifelong invitation to continue becoming. To continue healing. To continue trusting. To continue allowing God to transform us. And honestly, that realization has been both humbling and freeing because it means that we do not have to wait until we have everything figured out before we begin living fully. We do not have to be completely healed before God can use us. We do not have to hide the unfinished parts of our stories. This season was born from that truth.

Over the coming weeks, we will have honest conversations about authenticity, grief, identity, faith, trust, prayer, community, and what it means to live fully alive in God while still carrying wounds, questions, and unresolved pieces of our stories. We will talk about learning to live unhidden. We will explore the difference between performing faith and experiencing God as a loving companion. We will examine how suffering can shape us without defining us. And throughout it all, we will return again and again to the truth that God is present in the becoming.

One of the reasons I chose the butterfly as the symbol for this podcast last year is because transformation has always resonated deeply with me. A butterfly does not emerge instantly. There is hidden work. There is waiting. There are long seasons when nothing appears to be happening. Yet, beneath the surface, transformation is unfolding.

I suspect many find themselves in seasons like that.

This past year and a half has reinforced the reality that some of life's most significant transformations occur quietly and often imperceptibly. Growth rarely happens in dramatic moments. More often, it unfolds through ordinary days, difficult conversations, honest prayer, grief, therapy, journaling, and the simple decision to continue showing up.

There have been seasons in my own life when healing felt painfully slow. Seasons when little appeared to be changing and when questions seemed to outnumber answers. In looking back, it has become clear that God was often doing His deepest work during those very times.

Transformation rarely announces itself. More often, it unfolds quietly beneath the surface.

It unfolds in choosing authenticity over performance, in learning to trust again after disappointment, in receiving love after years of self-protection, in speaking truth after years of silence, and in allowing oneself to be fully known.

The older I become, the more convinced I am that wholeness is not the absence of wounds. Rather, wholeness is learning to live with openness, hope, and trust while allowing God to continually transform those wounds into places of grace.

That is the heart of this season.

My hope for Living the Transformation: From Wound to Wholeness is that it will offer encouragement to those who are still becoming. My hope is that these conversations will serve as a reminder that healing is possible, that growth often occurs in hidden places, and that God remains present even in the unfinished parts of our stories.

Returning to Ordinary Life...Listening to Where God Leads

Nine weeks away from work felt both incredibly long and surprisingly brief. When I returned to work on June 1 after being off for nine weeks, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. Recovery has a way of changing us. Stepping back into the familiar routines of my role as Communications Specialist with Core Technology Services felt both comforting and strange at the same time.

Now, nearly a month later, I can honestly say that returning to ordinary life has been a gift. There is something sacred about ordinary life. The emails. The meetings. The projects. The conversations with colleagues. The simple rhythms that make up our days.

During those nine weeks away, I missed those routines more than I expected. Recovery slowed life down in ways I had not anticipated and gave me space to notice things I often overlook when life is moving quickly.

Looking back, I realize that ordinary life is anything but ordinary. Even while I was away from work, life remained wonderfully full.

One of the greatest joys of these past several weeks has been completing the audiobook version of Light Still Stands. Hearing the story come to life in an entirely new format has been both exciting and deeply emotional. This novel carries so many themes that are close to my heart: healing, faith, grief, hope, community, and the reminder that even when life feels uncertain, God's light continues to stand. It has been humbling to watch this story continue finding new readers and, soon, new listeners.

At the same time, I have been busy planning Season 4 of the Butterfly Girl Podcast: Living the Transformation: From Wound to Wholeness. This season feels especially meaningful because it explores what happens after survival, after surrender, and after the beginning stages of healing. We often celebrate dramatic moments of transformation, but real healing usually unfolds slowly in ordinary days, quiet choices, lingering questions, and the ongoing work of becoming. I am incredibly grateful for the guests who will be joining me this season and for the opportunity to continue these honest conversations about faith, grief, identity, trust, healing, and hope.

Another unexpected blessing has been receiving invitations to be a guest on a variety of other podcasts. Each invitation feels both humbling and deeply personal. Sharing my story has never been about telling my story simply for its own sake. Rather, it has always been about creating space for others to recognize that they are not alone, that healing is possible, and that our wounds do not have the final word.

Every conversation is an opportunity to remind someone that hope still exists. And then there is the surprise I did not see coming.

When I began recovering, I had absolutely no intention of starting my second novel, When the Bells Ring Again, the second book in the Light Still Stands trilogy. In fact, I fully intended to wait until 2027 to begin it. But stories have a way of refusing to remain silent.

Characters kept showing up in my thoughts. Scenes replayed themselves over and over in my mind. Conversations between Clara, Micah, Lily, and Noah seemed to unfold while I was resting, walking, or trying to sleep. The words were swirling around in my head, and eventually, I realized I simply needed to start writing the draft.

So I did.

What began as a few notes quickly became chapters. Then more chapters. Before long, I found myself once again immersed in the lives of characters who have come to feel like old friends.

Sometimes God surprises us by placing new invitations before us precisely when we think we are supposed to be resting.

As June comes to a close, I find myself carrying a renewed sense of gratitude.
Gratitude for healing that continues.
Gratitude for meaningful work.
Gratitude for stories.
Gratitude for conversations.
Gratitude for creativity.
Gratitude for community.

And gratitude for the gentle ways God continues to lead, even when the path ahead looks different than we expected.

Ordinary life has returned, and I am grateful to be living it once again.

Healing and Hope Begin with a Brave Voice

There are moments in life that feel almost impossible to fully describe with words. After months of writing, editing, revising, praying, waiting, hoping, and anticipating, that is exactly how I feel as Ellie Finds Her Brave Voice is finally becoming real.

For so long, this book existed quietly in drafts, notes, late-night ideas, and whispered prayers. There were moments of excitement, moments of uncertainty, and many moments where I simply had to trust the process and keep moving forward one page at a time. To now hold this story in my hands and watch it prepare to enter the world feels both surreal and deeply emotional.

Ellie Finds Her Brave Voice was written from a place very close to my heart. It is a story about courage, safety, healing, trusted adults, and helping children understand that their voices matter. My hope is that this book helps children feel seen, protected, empowered, and reminded that they are never alone.

This book also carries a deeply personal dedication. Ellie Finds Her Brave Voice is dedicated to Mary Ann, who was my therapist and dear friend for nearly 15 years until her passing on May 20, 2025. There are some people who quietly change the course of your life simply by helping you believe that your voice deserves to exist. Mary Ann was one of those people for me.

Through some of the hardest moments of my life, she created a space where I could slowly learn what safety, trust, healing, and honesty looked like. She helped me recognize that surviving was not the same as living, and that finding healing often begins by finally allowing yourself to speak the truths you once felt too afraid to say aloud. Over time, she helped me become brave enough to find my own voice.

That journey is woven quietly throughout this story.

While Mary Ann helped me find my voice, there were also many others who walked beside me throughout my healing journey and who continue to support me even today. Healing is rarely something we experience alone. Along the way, God placed compassionate people in my life who listened, encouraged, prayed, and reminded me that I was never abandoned in the midst of my struggles. Some helped through words, while others simply offered their presence, kindness, patience, and willingness to stay. Each person became part of the story of learning that healing is possible, hope can return, and brave voices can grow stronger over time.

While Ellie’s story is fictional, the heart behind it is very real. The themes of courage, safe adults, healing, and learning to speak up were shaped not only by my own experiences, but also by the compassion and encouragement of the people who have helped guide me throughout the years. In many ways, this book exists because others helped me believe that healing and hope were possible.

One of the most meaningful moments throughout this entire journey came when I received permission from Erin Merryn to use the Erin's Law Foundation logo within the book. Honestly, it is difficult to put that feeling into words. It was one of those moments where gratitude, disbelief, humility, joy, and overwhelming emotion all seemed to exist together at once. Knowing that someone whose advocacy has helped protect countless children believed enough in this project to allow that partnership was an honor far beyond anything I could have imagined.

For those unfamiliar, Erin’s Law is named after survivor and advocate Erin Merryn, who courageously shared her own story to help prevent child abuse through education and awareness. Erin’s Law encourages age-appropriate personal body safety education in schools, helping children understand boundaries, safe and unsafe touch, trusted adults, and how to speak up if something does not feel right. Today, Erin’s Law has been passed in most states across the United States, helping bring prevention education and awareness to millions of children.

Because this mission matters so deeply to me, 100% of the proceeds from Ellie Finds Her Brave Voice will benefit the Erin’s Law Foundation and its continued work protecting children, supporting survivors, and helping schools and families create safer environments for young people.

In many ways, this book is more than a story. It is a prayer. It is hope placed onto pages. It is a reminder that brave voices matter, healing matters, and children deserve to feel safe, heard, believed, and loved. For me personally, it is also a quiet thank you to the people who helped me find the courage to speak, heal, and keep moving forward even when the journey felt overwhelming.

Thank you, Mary Ann. Thank you to everyone who has walked beside me throughout my healing journey and continues to do so today. Thank you to every person who prayed for this project, encouraged me, supported its mission, and believed in this story long before it was ever finished.

After months of carrying this story in my heart, I cannot fully express the joy of finally watching Ellie Finds Her Brave Voice begin its journey into the world.

Welcomed Home Through the Light

A few days ago, I was driving home when I looked up and saw this sky hovering over my apartment complex. The clouds were dark and heavy, but streams of light were breaking through with such intensity that I immediately felt something deep within me pause. It almost felt as though Heaven itself was leaning down toward earth.

For a moment, I felt welcomed home.

Later, when I looked more closely at the photo, I noticed something else. In the center of the opening in the clouds, I could almost make out the face of Christ emerging through the light. The opening itself resembled a heart, and the rays poured outward as though love itself was breaking through the darkness.

The image has stayed with me ever since because it reflects so much of the heart behind Light Still Stands.

I wrote Light Still Stands out of a deep desire to explore what it means to remain faithful when life feels uncertain, painful, and unresolved. The story was born from questions many of us quietly carry: Where is God when things change? What happens when faith feels fragile? How do we continue forward when relationships strain, grief lingers, or fear begins to overshadow hope?

That is exactly why this photograph struck me so deeply.

The clouds in the image remind me of the emotional and spiritual weight carried throughout the novel. The characters in Light Still Stands are not untouched by suffering. They wrestle with grief, uncertainty, emotional wounds, loneliness, disappointment, and the ache of searching for meaning when life no longer feels stable. They long for healing while also fearing what healing might require of them.

And yet, despite all of that darkness, the light remains. Not perfectly. Not loudly. But persistently.

The rays breaking through the clouds felt like a visual representation of the novel’s central message: faith does not erase suffering, but it teaches us how to stand within it. The light in this photo does not remove the storm clouds surrounding it. Instead, it shines through them. That distinction matters because so much of real life happens there — in the middle space where pain and hope coexist.

At its heart, Light Still Stands is about endurance. Not the kind that ignores suffering, but the kind that learns to remain present in the middle of it. It is about discovering that faith is sometimes less about certainty and more about continuing to trust even when clarity has not yet arrived.

That is what this image felt like to me: a reminder that Christ still breaks through the heaviness.

The heart-shaped opening in the sky especially moved me because the novel continually returns to the reality that love often enters through broken places. Sometimes our wounds become the very places where grace reaches us most deeply. Sometimes we encounter Christ not after the storm has passed, but while standing directly beneath it.

As I looked at the light rays pouring down over the place I call home, I realized how much this mirrors my own journey and the journey reflected within the novel itself. There have been seasons where I have questioned where God was in the middle of grief, trauma, exhaustion, transition, and uncertainty. Seasons where the clouds seemed impossible to see through.

Yet even in those difficult seasons, light continued to appear in quiet ways. I found it in prayer, in friendship, in moments of rest, in unexpected peace, and in the kindness of others. Sometimes, it was simply the reminder that I was not alone.

Small rays of light.

That is what Light Still Stands ultimately points toward. Not a life free from storms, but a God who remains present within them. A God who continues calling us forward even when the road ahead feels unclear.

Even when the clouds gather, grief lingers, and faith feels fragile, the light continues to shine. And sometimes, if we are willing to look up, we catch a glimpse of that light breaking through the sky reminding us that Christ has been beside us the entire way home.