Trusting God in the Waiting and the Breaking

Today’s readings meet me right where I am. They meet me in the quiet ache of traveling back to Illinois for Thanksgiving and Christmas, knowing that this visit feels different. Heavier. More fragile. I came home carrying joy, memories, and love, but also grief, fear, and the deep sadness of watching people I love change in ways I cannot stop.

In the first reading from Judges, we hear about a woman who is barren and unable to conceive. Her longing is deep and unspoken, and yet God sees her. An angel appears and promises life where there has only been emptiness. What strikes me is not just the miracle of Samson’s birth, but the waiting that comes before it. God’s work begins long before the child is born. It begins in a promise spoken into uncertainty.

That waiting feels very real to me right now. This trip was filled with moments of joy and laughter, but underneath it all was an awareness that time is precious and not guaranteed. I spent intentional, meaningful time with friends and loved ones, knowing in my heart that these moments mattered more than ever. Conversations felt deeper. Hugs lingered longer. There was a quiet understanding that we were holding something sacred simply by being present with one another.

Psalm 71 feels like the prayer of my heart. “In you, O Lord, I take refuge.” These words are not triumphant. They are clinging words. They are spoken by someone who has known both God’s faithfulness and life’s fragility. The psalmist speaks of trusting God from the womb, of leaning on Him through every season of life, even as strength fades.

Throughout this trip, I found myself leaning on God while also leaning on the people who know me best. I shared pieces of my heart that I usually keep tucked away. I spoke honestly about the internal struggles I have been carrying. The exhaustion. The grief. The fear of what lies ahead. The ache of loving deeply while knowing I cannot control outcomes. There is something holy about being seen in your vulnerability, about realizing that God often offers refuge through the listening hearts of others.

In the Gospel, we meet Zechariah and Elizabeth, faithful people who have prayed for years without seeing their prayer fulfilled. When the angel finally speaks, Zechariah cannot believe it. His doubt costs him his voice, and he enters a season of silence.

That silence feels familiar. There are moments in grief and emotional exhaustion when words fail. When prayer becomes quiet. When all we can do is sit with God rather than speak to Him. Zechariah’s silence is not simply about doubt. It becomes a sacred pause, a space where God continues to work even when understanding is limited.

This trip felt like that kind of pause for me. A slowing down. A listening. A gentle reckoning with truths I have been avoiding. Being home stirred memories, both beautiful and painful. It reminded me of who I have been, who I am becoming, and the parts of myself that still need healing. In sharing my heart with trusted friends and family, I realized that silence does not mean absence. God was present in every conversation, every tear, every quiet moment of understanding.

Elizabeth names her pregnancy as the Lord removing her disgrace. Sometimes God removes our burdens in ways we can see and celebrate. Other times, He allows us to carry them while surrounding us with love, support, and grace. Both are acts of mercy.

As I return home to my apartment in Fargo next Friday, I am holding onto this truth. God is at work in the waiting. God is present in the silence. God meets us in honest conversations and in the courage it takes to open our hearts. I may not know what the future holds for the people I love or for the struggles I am facing, but I know who holds us all.

And for now, that is enough.