Trusting God in the Waiting and the Breaking

Today’s readings meet me right where I am. They meet me in the quiet ache of traveling back to Illinois for Thanksgiving and Christmas, knowing that this visit feels different. Heavier. More fragile. I came home carrying joy, memories, and love, but also grief, fear, and the deep sadness of watching people I love change in ways I cannot stop.

In the first reading from Judges, we hear about a woman who is barren and unable to conceive. Her longing is deep and unspoken, and yet God sees her. An angel appears and promises life where there has only been emptiness. What strikes me is not just the miracle of Samson’s birth, but the waiting that comes before it. God’s work begins long before the child is born. It begins in a promise spoken into uncertainty.

That waiting feels very real to me right now. This trip was filled with moments of joy and laughter, but underneath it all was an awareness that time is precious and not guaranteed. I spent intentional, meaningful time with friends and loved ones, knowing in my heart that these moments mattered more than ever. Conversations felt deeper. Hugs lingered longer. There was a quiet understanding that we were holding something sacred simply by being present with one another.

Psalm 71 feels like the prayer of my heart. “In you, O Lord, I take refuge.” These words are not triumphant. They are clinging words. They are spoken by someone who has known both God’s faithfulness and life’s fragility. The psalmist speaks of trusting God from the womb, of leaning on Him through every season of life, even as strength fades.

Throughout this trip, I found myself leaning on God while also leaning on the people who know me best. I shared pieces of my heart that I usually keep tucked away. I spoke honestly about the internal struggles I have been carrying. The exhaustion. The grief. The fear of what lies ahead. The ache of loving deeply while knowing I cannot control outcomes. There is something holy about being seen in your vulnerability, about realizing that God often offers refuge through the listening hearts of others.

In the Gospel, we meet Zechariah and Elizabeth, faithful people who have prayed for years without seeing their prayer fulfilled. When the angel finally speaks, Zechariah cannot believe it. His doubt costs him his voice, and he enters a season of silence.

That silence feels familiar. There are moments in grief and emotional exhaustion when words fail. When prayer becomes quiet. When all we can do is sit with God rather than speak to Him. Zechariah’s silence is not simply about doubt. It becomes a sacred pause, a space where God continues to work even when understanding is limited.

This trip felt like that kind of pause for me. A slowing down. A listening. A gentle reckoning with truths I have been avoiding. Being home stirred memories, both beautiful and painful. It reminded me of who I have been, who I am becoming, and the parts of myself that still need healing. In sharing my heart with trusted friends and family, I realized that silence does not mean absence. God was present in every conversation, every tear, every quiet moment of understanding.

Elizabeth names her pregnancy as the Lord removing her disgrace. Sometimes God removes our burdens in ways we can see and celebrate. Other times, He allows us to carry them while surrounding us with love, support, and grace. Both are acts of mercy.

As I return home to my apartment in Fargo next Friday, I am holding onto this truth. God is at work in the waiting. God is present in the silence. God meets us in honest conversations and in the courage it takes to open our hearts. I may not know what the future holds for the people I love or for the struggles I am facing, but I know who holds us all.

And for now, that is enough.

The Heart of Becoming a Leader

A colleague recently shared a line from Warren Bennis that has stayed with me ever since: “Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple and it is also that difficult.”

The more I sit with these words, the more I realize how closely they mirror my own faith journey and the communities that have shaped who I am today. Leadership, in the truest sense, has never been about titles, platforms, or recognition. It has been an unfolding of identity, a gradual discovery of who God created me to be, and the courage to live from that place with authenticity.

My earliest sense of leadership came from faith communities that held me gently and challenged me lovingly. Teens Encounter Christ offered me my first glimpse of spiritual leadership. TEC taught me what it meant to serve with joy, to witness with honesty, and to trust that God works powerfully through ordinary people who say yes. It helped me begin to see that my voice mattered and that my story had value.

My years as a Catholic school teacher deepened that understanding. Standing in a classroom full of curious, energetic children taught me how to lead through patience, consistency, and compassion. Teaching was never only about academics. It was about helping children see their own goodness, nurturing their gifts, and guiding them as they formed their identities in faith. In many ways, those ten years were my training ground for understanding how profoundly leadership is tied to becoming more fully myself.

Later, my role as a Director of Religious Education and Youth Ministry became another defining chapter. Guiding children, teens, and families in their spiritual lives required a leadership rooted in authenticity and trust. It invited me to become more grounded in my own faith and more attentive to the quiet ways God forms hearts. I learned that leadership is not having all the answers. It is showing up consistently, listening deeply, creating safe spaces, and allowing God to work through each moment of connection.

The Christ Child Society has also shaped the leader I continue to become. For nearly ten years, I have served on the board as the social media and website coordinator. Telling the story of an organization dedicated to children and families in need has shown me that leadership is often quiet and steady. It is the willingness to amplify voices that go unheard and shine light on needs that might otherwise remain unseen. Through this role, I have learned that leadership can be digital, creative, behind the scenes, and still profoundly impactful.

All these experiences influence the storyteller in me. When I write children’s books, I am not simply creating narratives. I am drawing from the decades of ministry, teaching, service, and prayer that formed me. TEC’s joy, the classroom’s daily lessons in patience and wonder, the parish years of guiding families in faith, and the Christ Child Society’s commitment to compassion appear in the themes of every book I write. Hope, gentleness, courage, and faithfulness rise from the places where God taught me who I am meant to be.

Writing for children has become one of the most meaningful expressions of leadership in my life. Children deserve stories that honor their dignity, strengthen their imaginations, and remind them that God loves them with tender closeness. They deserve adults who lead through compassion, integrity, and authenticity. They deserve writers who help them feel seen, safe, and valued.

Warren Bennis was right. Becoming a leader is simple because it begins with becoming yourself. It is difficult because becoming yourself requires grace, honesty, and a willingness to be shaped continually. My faith journey and the communities that have walked with me have been steady guides, teaching me that God works slowly, deeply, and beautifully in those who are open to transformation.

I am still becoming. I am still learning what leadership looks like in this season of my life. But I know this much. When I follow where faith leads, when I serve with love, when I create from a place of authenticity, I move one step closer to the person God calls me to be. And that is the heart of leadership.

When Trust Is All We Have: A Reflection on the Immaculate Conception and Loving Someone Through Confusion

This year’s celebration of the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception met me in a tender, aching place. As I listened to the homily, my heart kept drifting back to someone I love dearly, a woman whose entire life has been a living witness of faith, devotion, and trust in God. Yet now, in her suffering, confusion has become a daily companion. It is heartbreaking to watch, but it has also illuminated something beautiful about faith that I needed to hear more clearly today.

During the homily, the deacon reflected on the angel Gabriel’s message and Mary’s response: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done unto me according to your will” (Luke 1:38). That line has echoed through the centuries not because Mary understood everything God was doing, but because she did not. She could not. Yet she trusted. Mary’s yes was not built on clarity. It was built on surrender.

Her yes was not simple. It was costly. The deacon shared that God does not call us to only be as good as we can. He calls us to holiness, to union with Him, and He gives us grace through the sacraments to sustain us. Mary was conceived without sin so she could freely choose God’s will with her whole being. But that did not exempt her from suffering. Her yes came with uncertainty, misunderstanding from others, and a future she could not predict. Still she trusted. Still she said yes. Her choices did not remove suffering, but they made it bearable because she faced each moment anchored in God.

As I sat in Mass, I could not stop thinking of her, the one I love who now lives in a fog of confusion, who sometimes forgets the simplest things, yet never forgets to cling to God. When she prays, it is with childlike sincerity. When she blesses herself, it is slow and reverent. When she is afraid, she reaches for Jesus the way Mary must have reached for Him countless times. I see Mary in her more now than ever before, not in strength or clarity, but in surrender. Her suffering is real. Her confusion is painful to watch. And yet, beneath it all is a faith so deep that it humbles me. While her mind sometimes struggles, her heart remains pointed toward God with unwavering trust. She teaches me, without words, that holiness is not about the sharpness of our thoughts but the orientation of our hearts.

The Solemnity reminded me that grace is not a concept. It is a lifeline. We are not meant to carry suffering alone, whether it is our own or that of someone we love. Mary was preserved from sin not so her path would be easy, but so she could receive and cooperate with grace perfectly. Watching this woman who loves God with her whole being makes me realize how much we depend on grace when human strength falters. Her confusion does not diminish her faith. If anything, her trust in the middle of it mirrors Mary’s trust in the unknown.

There are days when I wish I could take away her suffering, clear the confusion, and restore what has been lost. But, maybe, the holier invitation is something different: to stand beside her the way Mary stands beside us, to say my own small yes when I do not understand, to trust that God is present even when the situation feels fragile and uncertain. Mary shows us that trust is not a feeling. It is a posture of the heart. And my loved one, through her quiet suffering, shows me what that looks like lived out.

Today reminded me that God’s will is not always clear, and His ways are not always easy. But He gives grace enough for the moment. He gave it to Mary. He gives it to her. And He gives it to me as I walk with her through this tender season. Maybe that is the beauty of the Immaculate Conception: not that Mary had all the answers, but that she showed us how to surrender even when we do not understand. Her yes makes my yes possible. Watching someone I love trust God in the midst of confusion teaches me that even in suffering, grace leads us gently forward.

The Holy Spirit Brings the Right People Together for a Mission

Some days carry a quiet holiness, the kind that reminds you God has been arranging the details long before you ever noticed. Today was one of those days. It began with an interview for the Butterfly Girl Podcast and ended with a meaningful act of giving that flowed directly from a project guided by faith and friendship.

This morning, I sat down with illustrator Laila Warner to record an upcoming podcast episode. Later, the two of us delivered a $250 donation to the Mercer County Family Crisis Center in Aledo, Illinois. The donation came entirely from the sales of our book, Miriam’s Heavenly Tea Party. Knowing that every dollar came from this project made the moment feel even more sacred.

When I look back at the journey of this book, I can see so clearly how the Holy Spirit stepped in at the exact moment I needed guidance. My first illustrator unexpectedly backed out, and I remember feeling discouraged and unsure of what to do next. It was then that my friend Mindy gently suggested that I reach out to Laila.

At the time, I had no idea how important that suggestion would become. I contacted Laila, hopeful but uncertain, and from our very first conversation, I felt a sense of peace. She immediately understood the heart of the book and the mission woven through it. It was as if God had been preparing her for this project long before I knew I needed her.

Looking back, I can see the Holy Spirit bringing our paths together through Mindy’s simple nudge. The timing, the connection, the shared purpose, all of it was far too perfect to be coincidence. It was grace.

During our interview, Laila shared how deeply this project touched her. The themes of gentleness, healing, and hope echoed her own faith journey and her desire to create art that reflects God’s tenderness. She wanted every illustration to feel like a safe place for a child, something that quietly reassures them of God’s closeness and love.

For me, writing this book has always been an offering for children who have experienced pain, fear, or loss. It carries a message of comfort and the reminder that God meets us softly in the places where we are hurting. Listening to Laila describe how intentionally she approached each scene made me realize how beautifully her gifts were aligned with the heart of this mission.

We both believe that Miriam’s Heavenly Tea Party is more than a story. It is a ministry shaped through color, creativity, and prayer. It was created for little hearts that deserve to feel safe, cherished, and seen.

Laila also shared how much she connected with Miriam, the main character, and her longing to grow in her faith. As a new convert to the Catholic Church, she felt a personal resonance with Miriam’s desire to draw closer to God. I converted in 1999, so this theme of spiritual growth felt deeply familiar to me as well. Both of us believe strongly in nurturing faith in children while also giving back to the community organizations that walk with young people in difficult circumstances. This shared conviction gave the project even deeper meaning for us.

After the interview, Laila and I traveled to the Mercer County Family Crisis Center to deliver the donation from the book. Carrying that envelope felt like holding a piece of the journey itself. Every dollar came from the hands of readers who purchased Miriam’s Heavenly Tea Party, trusting that their purchase would help support families who are navigating incredibly difficult circumstances.

Standing together with the staff, with our book held between us, I felt a wave of gratitude. This story began as a simple idea, grew through a Spirit-led partnership, and now it is helping families in a very real and practical way. That is the kind of work only God can orchestrate.

As I drove home, I kept thinking about how gently God works in the background of our lives. A setback with my first illustrator created space for a new beginning. A suggestion from Mindy became a Holy Spirit prompt. A collaboration with Laila became a mission. A book created with prayerful intention became support for families who need compassion and care.

Today reminded me that saying yes to God, even when we feel uncertain, allows Him to turn ordinary moments into something beautiful.

I look forward to sharing Laila’s full interview on the Butterfly Girl Podcast. Her heart, her faith, and her artistic spirit shine through every word. And today, I am grateful for her, for Mindy, for the readers who supported this book, and for the families served by the Mercer County Family Crisis Center.

A Spirit-guided connection.
A shared mission.
And a donation overflowing with love.

**The interview between myself and Laila will drop on December 14, 2025 on Spotify. Subscribe to the Butterfly Girl Podcast to stay up-to-date on all episodes.